Match Reports Round 10

Cobras - Troy

It seems that the reports required weren't supplied to Ads, this means that today we learn about one of my favourite topics.  "What is that topic Troy?" I can hear you all asking.  Well I'm glad you showed such interest, because today is a good one, left shoes.

I know, I know.  It is hard to contain all that excitement but bear with me just a few minutes and we'll get there right to the good parts.  I'll start with a surprising thing that most people don't know about left shoes, that they travel on average one seventh less distance than a right shoe for the average Australian.  This wouldn't be true if you lived in America or continental Europe but here in the lucky country this fact stands up to some lack-lustre analysis.  To show that this report isn't just a one sided (Get it, huh huh, get it, huh) piece I will provide a down side of left shoes.  The left shoe will be the shoe that breaks first for most right handed people, it is also the one that wears quicker on the outside back corner on my work shoes, this is quite annoying.

But we aren't here to dwell on the little things we are here to celebrate the good thing about left shoes.  Did you know that a left shoe is a perfect reciprocal for Baileys?  Yes you heard that correctly the favourite drink of people who like to prove how authentically Irish they are, despite having more of there heritage coming from English families that were pivotal in marginalising the Irish than actual Irish families, and of course teenagers.  Other less appreciated uses for a left shoe is housing for old ladies, they can be surprisingly roomy once that old person shrinking kicks in, the inside of a left shoe can be used to help draw a map of Australia, first it would work for Western Australia and if you turn it upside down you can do the east coast.  Just so useful, I don't know why this isn't a wider discussed topic.  They aren't just good for these uses they are actually a money saver, if you are a pet owner you could likely acquire a left shoe cheaper than a chew toy for your dog and lets be honest the box it came in will be your cats favourite thing you ever bought it.

Well that is all from me today and I hope that your left shoe laces may never come undone and your seams won't spit.

Please submit match reports to Ads this week.